Waiting........

We got a call on Tuesday for a baby girl that needed a home.  We were told we could go pick her up that evening or possibly Wednesday morning.  There was minimal info available on her...just that she was 1 month old, in the hospital and needed a home.  Our family said yes.  We started planning and preparing and shopping and cleaning and praying and cancelling plans and calling family and friends.........It is now Thursday and this tiny little girl is still not here.  We are waiting on paperwork and investigators and the system to figure our the best plan for this little girl's life.  It is a flawed system and one that I am easily frustrated with, feel hopeless within and helpless to make a real difference.  I know that there is a bigger plan for this child's life than the one that is being mapped out by officials and social workers and doctors......our God has known her and her course since before she was ever born, before I ever began stressing over her life. Although I know all this, it is still hard for me not to weigh all of the ways in which our family, our home, our church would be so good for her and feel that we are better than any other way or plan.  I know this is selfish of me, but I (our family) just wants so badly to help. 

We signed on to this foster care system as a way to have a child that we could not have on our own, and we have been blessed beyond measure by the addition of "tiny" to our home.  This past year was difficult as it forced us to truly examine why we felt called to foster care.  Would we, could we, do this again?  Did we just want a child or did we want to minister to the orphans?  Were we willing to set aside our own desires in order to do whatever it took to help, love, care? 

This call on Tuesday was unexpected.  We did not even know that our license had been reopened, our minds were not thinking of another child quite yet.  Nonetheless, we knew we wanted this child--even without knowing her whole story.  We wanted to open our home and our lives again: to live big, love big, learn big.  With "tiny" it was all so new and scary.  We didn't know what to expect or where to begin.  We realized pretty quickly that we didn't really need to know.  It was a hard lesson for me to let go, take it one day at a time, and trust in Him who knew already.  Never before has our family felt so loved, so covered in prayers, our "tiny" so adored.  We knew that this time around we could relax more and just enjoy the time---however long that may mean.

So, today, although I am frustrated and anxious and waiting........I am praying for a child that I have never met (although I hope I get to).  I hope our family gets the chance to surround her with love and watch her grow and be a part of her journey for however long we are able.  But if not, I know that my God is good, I know that our family is strong and I know that we were called to this strange rollercoaster of a journey for a reason.